Wednesday, August 04, 2004

 
What I did on my Summer Vacation
Get ready for the mother of all blog posts

I could tell you about loads of embarrassing things, for example me making a ridiculous drunken fool out of myself last weekend or being the sober half of an absolutely horrible first date, but I won't. Need I remind you who this blog belongs to? Anyway, as a tribute to my final night in Seattle until at least six months from now, I give you seven wonderful things about the past month:

1. Blue Moon

The night to beat all nights. After drinking with the ladies (namely, Lindsay and Lauren) at Ashley's swanky place of employment (namely, Gordon Biersch at Pacific Place...Half off appetizers, y'all), we decided to ring up a few of the old grade school guys and make it a reunion. After some drama and a massive fumbling with phone numbers, we wound up meeting Marcus (my first true love circa kindergarten) at a mutual friend's party. Upon arrival, I ran into The Amazing Devin (long-time childhood/parenting group buddy turned smoking hot vegan) who I had not seen in at least a year.

Side Note on The Amazing Devin:

In a perfect world, Devin and I would get married, have adorable red-headed babies and live in one of those fantastic mansions on Capitol Hill. Devin is 21, single (officially), and works for (get this) Nintendo. Who works for Nintendo? No one. How awesome is that? So, I have a big nerd crush on Devin. I hope to God he never Googles me. Devin, if you're reading this, I am not as lame as I seem. Call me.

Anyway, many "hurrah for us, we're so adult" shots were consumed.

Highlights of the night:

The night came to a close with a very sober Lindsay driving a very drunk Lauren and I home. Upon arrival at Lauren's apartment, I found myself hooking up with Joe (semi-sexy friend of Lauren's roommate) who was somehow passed out on my futon.

2. Plath We are Not

You must be asking yourself, "did Drew do anything wholesome and/or productive on her vacation"? Well, the answer is an emphatic yes. Actually, I am a pretty wholesome girl when you take away the alcohol and boys. Case in point: I taught a poetry day camp for girls ages 7-10 in West Seattle. My tutelage inspired poems such as the one below:

"Summertime"

By Danica, age 8

One hot sunny day in the summer

I was so hot I had to make a smoothie in my new
blender.

I made so much that it exploded all over me.

So I ran into the sun.

Then I got hot all over again.

Then I made another smoothie and it exploded on me
again!

And again I ran into the sun and again I got hot so I went into
the house again and made another smoothie and this time I made it without
exploding.

Then I drank it and it tasted so good.

I think that a poem like that could change the world. Eat your heart out, Anne Sexton.

3. John Edwards is a Hottie

In a perfect world we could all vote for world leaders according to their "easy on the eyes" factor. Most of the time, however, this would be an impossible task. The sheer sight of a middle-aged politician's hair piece is enough to make me run screaming from the polls. Needless to say, I was overjoyed by the Democratic National Convention. Finally, the dems are big pimping it with the foxiest candidates since the Kennedy-Johnson ticket. Have you seen Kerry's hot and sweaty Vietnam candids? I am a drooling 13 year old when it comes to Kerry. After all, he is a bass player.

The only man who makes me want to get out and vote even more than Kerry is his partner in crime, John "to the power of 2" Edwards. I sat on my couch last Wednesday, polishing off the last of the Coronas sans lime (the fridge was truly barren) and bathing in my own sweat, when on to the convention stage walks Jesus with a haircut and an expensive suit. Amen. Edwards' skin absolutely glows, that's how healthy the man is. I could practically see myself in his teeth. He is the man I want to marry (aside from The Amazing Devin, a Kennedy and certain boys from Wellfleet). His son is legal in 14 years! Adding to my gratitude that such men exist on this earth was the fact that I did not have to be anywhere near the Boston airport last week. Thank God for John Edwards and my parents's smart travel sense.

4. Little Shop of Whores

Wherever I go, whatever I do, I cannot escape the landscaping industry. A wise man once said, "where there is landscaping, there are a variety of attractive college aged boys." As you may or may not know (scroll down, motherfucker), I happen to have a weak spot for men who roll around in the dirt all day being men with their manly selves. I also happened to earn my dough this month working at a certain hip flower shop which (who knew?) was also home to a lovely bunch of landscapers. I have learned from experienced bloggers not to name names whilst discussing work-related things, but I must give praise to the entire Landover Scape crew and their biological parents. Nice set of genes, guys.

5. My Pal Louis

If there is a Louis Vuitton handbag for sale within a 10 mile radius of me, there is a 99% chance that I will locate and purchase it. If I do not have the funds to procure said handbag, there is a 100% chance that I will murder, rob or charge for it. That said, it makes total sense that I was able to find a perfect Vuitton clutch three weeks ago at Crossroads Trading Company on Broadway. I love my life.

6. Getting Busy with Jack Black

If you know me at all, you know that I love the men-folk. Period. You may know that I enjoy making out with a variety of people at any given time. You may know that, aside from eating, kissing is my favorite pastime. You may even know that I once hosted an elaborate game of same-sex "spin the bottle" during my first year of college (very messy). But did you know that I recently bumped nasties with Jack Black? I didn't think so. Of course, it wasn't really him. Picture a non-famous Jack Black who lives in his parent's basement and is unemployed. That, my friends is who I hooked up with this summer. And it was good. Really, really good.

7. 10th Ave, Represent

Lauren is my heterosexual life partner and one of the coolest cats around. We've known each other since the first grade and have been raising moderate amounts of heck ever since. Simply put, she makes me happy. Most of my time this trip was spent eating, sleeping, drinking and smoking forbidden cigarettes (talk sweet to me, Camel Light) at her fantastic vegan-friendly apartment. I may only hope to be as biodegradable as Lauren when I die. Cheers.

Acknowledgements

Many thanks are owed to:

With that, I am heading home a happy woman.



*permalink* Drew was off like a promdress @ 9:43 PM
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